Have you realized that by persuading your ideas into me, you are trying to belittle yourself in my eyes? My heart bleeds when I perceive your struggle to commit a murder, that of a mind gone past the verge of liberation. It may be the male authoritarian life you have witnessed, the influence of which is now detectable in your manner. The women in your household did everything after seeking for permission, first from their fathers and then from their husbands who were the masters of their lives till their last breath. The first time I came to your house, I could feel that everywhere, in every aspect. They stood behind the men, they ate only after the men have finished and never spoke anything in their presence. Your mother was another victim of that household who dreamt of freedom but the poor lady died without tasting the flavor of the delicacy that was forbidden to that section of expatriates who were supposedly termed the “good luck charms” of the family. It was irony at its best.
I left my home, my people and my country to be a part of your life. Expecting love and respect from you, was it a mistake? Am I not a human being? Can I not breathe? Do I not feel pain? Do I not command respect? Is it that I do not deserve all that you want? Am I your lawfully wedded wife or a slave to you for the rest of my life till I, just like your mother, die of having lost her dignity and emancipation? We are different. Each one of us is different. You and I may not have anything in common today. Eventually that is what makes you “you” and me, “me.” All those factors that differentiate you and me are all that it takes to make us two individuals with minds that wander to distances unexplored. Those differences were the foundation of our relationship. We may be two ends of a never ending river which never meet and just like those ends, our thoughts and approach may never agree with each other. Why remain in strife on matters that may never be resolved? Why remain separate from each other only because of the privacy that prevails? Why stay as enemies under a roof? Why suffer for reasons unknown? Why kill two lives that have done no wrong to you? Why bequeath the curse of a spirit who died captive in chains? I respect your individuality, your thoughts, expressions and the ideas that you vouch for. Even then, why is so difficult for you to recognize my views with its genuine self? Is it ego that stops you from acknowledging my outlook or is it the supercilious demeanor that forces you to remain the prejudicial man that you are? Those little things that brought us together are now the very cracks in a pillar which was supposed to stand the test of times.
Absorb the reality, the veracity. I do not want to comprehend you of being a narcissist, a sadist or the addition to the list of male chauvinist’s that dirty the world. I do not want to think of you like that. Only you can stop it from happening. You are capable of preventing a marital contest which will never bring any winner home. Instead it will only discover two losers in this game where each of them have lost everything and is left mutilated, waiting for burial at the hands of strangers. Please come out of this self prepared shell of yours and look out for a life that beckons to you, a more beautiful one, with the essence of love, trust and respect. Be the person who used to speak volumes on life, the man with whom I fell in love with. Accept it or else, we may never be able to live a life and write a book, the stories of which will reflect triumph of liberty over bondage. Recuperate from this disease that may break us forever.
Copyright 2014Elsa Thomas