Last night I kept observing our daughter. There was something different about her style of eating. She was doing it the way you did eight years back. I was following the manner in which she kept reloading her plate with the food my mother prepared similar to the way you did when you first came home. She gave me the final proof that she was your replica. Her guise, her mannerism, likes and dislikes, it was all of you. All of this made me happy but at the same time brushed the bruises that time imposed on our relation. Our daughter has imbibed or rather inherited your fashion and I feel immense joy fill in me when I watch her follow it. Why happiness? Yes, I feel happy because it is the expression, the shadow of the person with whom I was once in love with, the one with whom I wished of growing old with, the one with whom I wanted live a lifetime with and the one, in whose arms I wanted to die in.
A few weeks back, I accompanied her to a bookstore where she interacted with the members of her natural habitat – the fiction store whereas I stuck to the very old work related material, the lack luster. Novels, fictions, dreams, movies and drama were her penchant. She further proved to me that she was your shadow. A dreamer, just like you. She has inherited it from you. I did feel a certain sense of pride in proclaiming it. Like father, like daughter.
You lived life in your terms. You did what you thought was right, you said what you felt was apt. You looked at the world from another spectrum. Even after being a part of a titled family and the norms that followed, you decided to bring me into your life .You accepted me the way I was. My life before you, my upbringing, my economic health did not vex you. You never disliked coming over to my house which was just one tenth of your palatial abode and dining with my family. I admired the way you kept on refilling your plate with the simple food my mother prepared showing that you liked it rather than just showering praises on her culinary skills and not really meaning it. You do not know but there are a list of such little factors that made me fall in love with you all over again but, I never shared these with you lest, these would have forced you to think over your decision to leave; it may have compelled you to feel that I am weak and will not be able to tolerate all of this. The dreamer that you were and will remain was always beyond my understanding just the way it was for your family. They still question your decision but now as I see our daughter and feel her mindset and her expressions; I have started understanding you a little better than before.
You were a gem of a person. You still are. Though we have separated I still agree that you are a nice person. Equations change, priorities change but at the end of the day, do we change? Your dreams and aspirations scored above all other facts of your life and you decided to follow the drummer you hear at a distance to move on and yes, it has left me hurt but even then, I take pride to have been a part of your life. Your decisions did leave its negative impacts on me and the wife in me is still hurt while the friend in me will support you because she knows that it is not possible to hold a relationship in chains. just like the sand in the desert so is human relations. My whining may stop you from going ahead with your decision but i was sure that some time, later in the near future, you will regret it and that day, our daughter and i may be a liability on you. i did not want that phase to occur in our lives. In spite of all the mess that your impenetrable resolutions have given birth to, you have been fulfilling your duties that of a father to our daughter and I know the profundity of the bond both of you share. The warmth of that bond is sufficient for me as I play a witness to a relationship that soars above all other ties.
Copyright 2014 Elsa Thomas