A phone call from you yesterday night sent me into a state of shock. You gave me some terrible news which left me speechless for a minute or so before I could console you or rather act like I was fine and was sure that nothing awful would occur. You shared with me something that I, in no way wanted you to ever tell me. My intelligence sauntered into a world I detested the most. The very idea of separation sent a chill down my spine. You had a few months in hand and it being your ultimate moments in this world. A physical malady which wasn’t curable by any means was going to separate you and me in some time. It distressed me. It destroyed me inside. Twenty nine years of our lives, not very easy to let it go away and remain a memory. Fortune gifted us a birth together with similar guise. Twenty nine years of you and me is precious and so today, the very fortune that gave it to us cannot take you away from me, leaving me alone, a mutilated soul.
You were all that I had. Ever since our parents died in that horrible plane crash, it was you, older to me by a minute that took care of me. You handled everything like a father. You helped me move on well after the tragedy. At home, at school and at the university, you were my shield. You made our life so much happier. You were aware of the fear of death in me. You grasp my anxiety more than me. Even then, I can understand the courage that you might have had to build to break this news to me. I am sure you were more anxious about my reaction to all of this more than that of your deteriorating health. I lived in a shell that you had made for me since years and I have no shame in saying that I still do. I know that today, I have to be encouraged and I have no right to be disheartened because it is time for me to discharge all my duties as a sister. Valiance must rule over fear.
The departure is inevitable according to human understanding but even then, I believe that a miracle will do the deed. I am sure somewhere hidden, is a power which understands every bit of you and me. Every second of my life from this very moment is in prayer, a battle to get you back, a war to sustain.
The phase is at its worst. I do not have time to whimper on this vexing reality. I want to try and do all that I can do for you. I am not a doctor to your corporeal dilemma but I can do all that can suit your wishes. I do not want to moan on the possible bereavement. Instead, I wish to celebrate a life lived admirably. I want to honor the verve, the dynamism, the existence that will survive the test of time. I am writing this note to reassure myself that this too will pass away and give us both a new leash of life.
You will never read this note. It will remain unknown to you in spite of it being addressed to you. I write this note to encourage myself so that I can shake it all for you. This note will remain a secret from you because your sister; however scared she is, will put up a show of valor for you, for you alone.
With lots of love,
Copyright 2014 Elsa Thomas